he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
