Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
