4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
