I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
