You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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