I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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