DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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