I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I smell stomach acid.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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