..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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