I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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