I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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