Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
