i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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