we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The power of my boobs compel you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
