Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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