that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
