The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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