I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
