Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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