now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
