I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
