Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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