apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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