All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
