don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
