There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
