the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The adults are the big ones right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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