the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
