Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
