why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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