those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
