Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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