Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
