If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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