Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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