apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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