And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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