I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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