PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
