someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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