last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
