Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
