she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Houston, we have a blender
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
