Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
