she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
