I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
