dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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