No awkward lesbian experiences without me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
