listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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