I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
