do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
