yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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