how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
