And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
