i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
