A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
