I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
