Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize