My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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