We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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