His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
