guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
