I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
